Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Long Count with New Leaf Theatre Company...just my thoughts

New Leaf Theatre asked me for a contribution to their blog. I am working with them on The Long Count (opening this Friday and running through May - go see it). So below are a few things they asked me to talk about...

In a word, today I feel lazy. I fell asleep on my couch yesterday after rehearsal around 5pm, moved to my bed around 2am, moved from my bed to the couch around noon today, and finally moved from the couch to a vertical, moving position around 3. Do I feel well rested? Do I feel invigorated? No. I feel lazy (as mentioned above). But I hope I am banking some hours of sleep today that I can withdraw later this week.

I started being a theatre artist because I never really considered anything else. I kept with it because I couldn't imagine anything else. The act of creating something new (be it show, character, story) is uniquely fulfilling. I have tried to not be a theatre artist and it didn't work. My need to create is like water. I can get along without it, but if I go too long in the day without any, I will get a massive headache.

In regards to The Long Count, today, I am most excited about about knowing that it goes: "Samoa, Tonga, The Marquesas". Go see it - it will make sense later. Today I ask myself does the cryptologistt really want to go through? Has she given up? Is she so hurt by it she has to tell herself she doesn't care? Then I ask myself, will the audience know or care? I don't know about the audience, but I do. Maybe tomorrow I will figure it out.

Five years ago, I thought I knew everything. I knew what I needed to do and how it would all turn out. Five years from now I hope I know that none of the above can be or should be known. Marty McFly was wrong when he tried to tell Doc about the future. This may get a little silly but stay with me...Each time Marty did something to manipulate the future one of his little pictures would fade. That means he was missing the opportunity to create something he later loved. More often than not, when he started out he didn't know how much he actually treasured what he had. So in a very roundabout way, I am saying five years from now I hope I have learned to love where I am, who I am with, why I am there, and how I got there. Because, each day prior I was making my way there.

The season question for New Leaf is: "How do we build a future from a present we didn't expect?" In a word: trust. Trust in ourselves, in those around us, and the choices we have made.

As a bonus question New Leaf asked me was what my favorite year of school was and why. I would say (as cliche as it is) my senior year of high school. I was stuborn enough to have no inhibitions, smart enough to know I had to enjoy what I had, and silly enough to think it would be like that for life. My 10 year reunion is coming up this fall. I vasiclate about going or not. 10 years is a long time. Do I still have that stuborn, smart, silly girl inside me? Hopefully. I guess I have to trust that I do.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

for the love of the game

No, i am not talking about baseball.

Each time I turn on my phone I have the phrase "for the love of the game". It came out of a small joke about why I do theatre. It isn't for the money or fame (yet...). It is what I love to do. Working or not, I do theatre for the love of the game of it.

When things are going well, it is easy to say why you love the game of theatre. Great people to work with, good reviews, confirmation that you don't suck...But, when things are not as you planned, not as you hoped, or not at all - that is when you really need to love the game.

A wise friend once told me:
one of the things i love about the theatre is the guaranteed failure of any project....not that you can't feel proud of what you do...it just can't ever be good enough. that is as it should be and tremendously liberating....frees you to work hard each day and see what can be achieved.
Failure is okay - it can even be good. Giving yourself the option to fail and it be okay is the only way to allow yourself to try anything. And isn't trying anything connected to why we love the game of theatre?

So, lets all fail and see what happens! Takes the pressure off. Takes the blinders of "this is good and this is bad" off. It is liberating.

Love the game - Fail.