Teaching Tapas

You can teach a lot of things:

• how to make hospital corners with the sheets when making a bed
• how ride the CTA like a bad-ass and no one will mess with you
• how to fake knowing about sports to have meaningless conversations in the office kitchen
  

But you can't teach tapas. At least, not on a date.

The other night I went to a tapas restaurant on a date. He is new to the city and hasn't gotten around a lot or gone to many restaurants. It is kind of fun to play know it all and pick out places to eat. But you can't teach someone how to eat tapas.

Tapas is the eating art of sharing. Tapas is Spanish cuisine in small sized portions created for sharing and passing. The whole point of eating tapas is to try little bits of lots of things. Order 2 or 3 dishes at a time and share and pick off of each other's plates. It is a communal eating experience. But if the person you are dining with does not understand the fundamental fact of tapas - sharing - this is very difficult.

There are only so many ways to say, "Why don't I give you a few dates rolled in bacon?" "Here, share some of this crab dip and toasted bread?" "Can I please try some of your freaking meatballs with sherry tomato sauce?"

You just can't teach tapas.

After the date, I emailed him with the complimentary awkward message saying things just aren't going to work out. In his message back he actually used the term "you beat me to the punch." Well, I wanted to punch you when you wouldn't share. So yes, I beat you.

You just can't teach tapas