Sleep deprivation is not something I have experienced since high school. When it happened then, I had my mom to tell me to have a good cry, take a hot shower, and then snap out of it. I usually worked.

This is my first sleep deprivation experience as an adult, living on my own, responsible for feeding myself through half-conscientiousness. In the past 48 hours I have had 9 hours of sleep. 9 hours of sleep is actually a very standard one nights sleep for me. Needless to say, I am a bit f-ed.

Why, you ask. Because I am driven and I pull myself up by my bootstraps. I committed to shooting a small film Friday and Saturday night. Friday night's wrap time was changed from 11:30pm to 4:00am. Why did I stay? How was I able to control my rage? I have no idea. Why was I doing all of this for a glorified feature extra roll. (my character name is "girl in owl mask")

After 3.5 hours sleep I headed off to rehearsal. I rehearsed from 10:30am - 4:30pm. For some bizzarereason, I was up. I was active. I was pumped. It could have been the vitamin cocktail I mixed. I could have been the Venti Earl Grey that I was double fisting. But I was ready.

I got back to my apartment around 5pm. I had about a half hour to sit before I had to get ready for my second night of shooting. Tonight was going to be my featured shots. I got there, we set up; we rehearsed; we started to shoot. Then the neighbors started their party. A party with obscenely loud music.

We are all familiar with the phrase, "quite on set". This was not possible. Cops were called (not just by us) but they only turned it down for about 15 minutes. So, at 11:30pm, 3.5 hours after showing up, I left - without shooting a thing and scheduled to come back Sunday @8pm.

Sunday was going to be my recovery day. That is now f-ed.

I got up this morning at 10, not by choice, but because it is just what my body does. I moved in slow motion. I sat on the couch and watched George and a bazaar movie I had from netflix. Around noon I took a shower. I think my eyes were closed for most of it. Everything is heavy, life is blurred and in slow motion. But the longer I was up, the more I wanted to do - no matter how tired I was. There was some bazaar chemistry going on in my body.

Sleep deprivation creates a defence mechanism in your body to conserve energy and still allow you to get done what you needed to. Your body turns into a survival mode. You get done essential things. You stumble around and drop things to be sure you know your body is not right. This is the way your body allows you to push your limits - but be conscience of it.

Why am I blogging right now instead of sleeping? I have no idea - but it is what my body is allowing me to do. Maybe it is to give me physical evidence for me to remember not to over schedule myself like this again.

The upcoming week is really no better. My least scheduled day is Tuesday. But I already have a list for this "open" day.

It is all good- I am doing things I want to. And it is all worth it. For the love of the game.