Nothing

It is so freaking hard to do nothing. I am at work. The only phone call I got was from my Mom. The only emails I am getting are spam and forwards from my also bored out of their skulls co-workers.

Why am I here? Just to sit in a chair and say I was here because I am out of vacation days. Do they know how much money they are spending on me being here? The coffee cup I used today? The lights in my office, and energy that powers my computer? The paper and ink I used to print off my boarding pass?

Truly, there are three reasons why I came into work:

1. Print off my boarding pass.
2. Pick up my Christmas present that was printed at the loop Kinko's
3. Go to the German Christmas festival.

I will go to the German festival for lunch today. A good old bratwurst with potato pancakes. The only thing missing is the mulled wine. (I am daring at work, but not that daring).

Tonight I have lots to do: chiropractor appointment, wrapping of above mentioned presents, final packing, ect. All things I could have done if I took the day off. But, lets be honest. If I had today of I would be about as productive at home as I am here. I would sleep till 11am, have lunch with a friend, look at my packing for awhile thinking - I should really work on that.

I even have personal stuff I could work on today at work. Am I doing it? Nope. I am totally checked out. My brain is turned off. I am now in a zen like state so I can survive O'Hare airport tomorrow without being sarcastic, mean, or in anyway disruptive to anyone. I have already prepared provisions if delays happen: carrots, power bars, cookies to barter with other passengers for standby status.

But now, I am going to do nothing. I will stare at my iGoogle page, but not read any articles. I contemplate the stacks of files on my desk, but do nothing about it. One thing I will do today - something I love to do - is make a list of what I should do when I am back. Yeah, that is productive! I will plan for the future. Next week when no one is here (though no one is here now) I will get so much done today's lack of doing absolutely nothing will be totally obsolete. Yeah I will make a list. Good idea Alyse.

Vindication

No particulars. No names. Only this: vindication is a sweet, sweet reward. Better than revenge.

Power in the office

It started with a power tie. Then, when women entered the work force, it turned into the power color. We had the power suit; and now, thanks to Hillary, the power pants suit.

But I would like show you the evolution of the power code at work: The Power Dress. The power dress has clean lines, is very well made, and something that will forever be in style. It is classic, not trendy. Attention grabbing, but not flashy. The Haute couture for the middle-middle class.

It it the dress you wear it to work and people corner you to ask if you have an interview. It is the dress you wear when you are attending a meeting with the Mcdreamy CIO. It is the dress you wear when you want to say, "I am woman, hear me roar, I look damn good, now listen to what I say."

When accessorizing the power dress, take a lesson from Coco Channel. Before you leave the house, take off one accessory. You don't want to over-power the power of the dress. You also have to think about the shoes. I will be honest, I don't have great shoes - I am no Carry Bradshaw. I have 2 good pairs of brown shoes and 1 pair of nice black shoes. This lack of options has limited the colors of my power dresses. I stick to neutral colors- browns, black, navy, ect. But if you normally wear more vibrant colors, feel free to expand the colors. But the more vibrant the color, the more simple the dress.

Also, I don't wear pantyhose. Ever. This will come as a shock to some readers, but nowadays, it is no longer required. I would actually discouraged. No one wears hose. Some wear tights, but never with a power dress.

The power dress is like a new car. As soon as you drive it off the lot, it immediately looses value. If you over-wear your dress it looses power. It should not be added to the weekly rotation. Either people think you are really looking for a new job, or you are trying to show off your fancy wardrobe, but can only afford a few pieces. No amount of mixing and matching can help it. Also, your dry cleaning bill will be enormous.

For examples of power dresses, don't look at the CTA in the morning. Don't look at Bebe. Go for discount designer stores and be willing to shell out about $100. Think of it as an investment. You are preparing for your future and your future power. I have over-invested a bit and have a few samples as well...

your body knows best

There are many situations where your body knows best:

1. Don't eat that extra slice of pizza
2. Getting up for the 8am Saturday yoga class just may kill you
3. Get off the train or the smell of piss will turn your gag into a vomit.

Also, when you get in the elevator at 11am, meaning to go only to the 28th floor, but you actually push the Lobby button - your body knows best. It knows you should just leave. Or, at least it knew that you needed to take a ride in an elevator...

If I could rule the world

I am in paradise. I am in my bed, sipping tea, eating oatmeal, listening to the BBC on NPR, casually (but diligently) working from home, and managing my auditions for the upcoming weekend. Paradise.

If I ruled the world, I would do this at least on a weekly basis. Telecommuting rules. If this turned into something I did on a consistent basis, I would have to make a few sacrifices - I would have to get actual an Internet connection (instead of picking up my neighbor's). I would have to start working out again, because there would be no excuse now. But those are all things I think I could handle. I wouldn't want to work from home all of the time. I would want to work most Fridays so I could go to happy hour. I like attending meetings and having toys on my desk. Birthdays are awesome because there is usually cake. One or two days a week would work for me. If I ruled the world...

office funny

I have a craving. A burning desire. A intense painful longing, to be funny. I need people to think I am funny.

I am, if I say so myself, the funniest person in the office. Grant you, that is not the highest bar to judge myself against. But office funny is very different from any other type of funny. I would say that office funny is harder than regular funny.

By actor-standards, I am fairly funny. But a lot of my funny comes from the fact that I am saying/doing it. If anyone else did my Johnny Carson or Christopher Walken impression it wouldn't be funny. It would just be sad and pathetic. But, because it is coming out of this little, mousy, brown-haired, quite girl - it is hilarious. I recently added "hilariously terrible impressions" to my special skills list.

I am also quite well versed in mom-funny. Mom-funny is an art that comes naturally to me, even though I am not a mom. Mom-funny is mostly rhymed phrases with pop references that the mom does not fully understand. Often mom-funny is followed by a cute face, a shrug of the shoulders and "Uh? Am I right?" True-mom funny is not intended, which makes it even better. I can't define mom-humor, but I know it when I see it.* I think some mom-funny would really help Hilary's campaign.

Real live office-funny is NOT the same thing as a joke in the hit show (and one of my personal favs) The Office. In office funny you have to first go through a list of questions

• Will this get me fired?
• Will this offend anyone within earshot?
• Is there ANY chance of me accidentally sending this to the entire company?

If you answer yes to any of those questions, you have to let the funny go. The second step in office-funny is to gauge your audience. If you say the funny that is in your head right now, will anyone get it? If so, go ahead and try it. If not, best keep it to yourself. In all honestly, because it was office-funny, it probably wasn't truly funny. Therefore, it will not satiate your need of being funny.

The hard thing about being naturally funny, like myself, is when the funny isn't acknowledged. For being as funny as I am, I run into this fairly often. My hilarious obsession with the difference between "theatre" and "theater" is often ignored. My consent need to ask "Did you want caramel (phonetically kar-mel) or caramel (phonetically kar-ra-mel) on your ice cream?" is overlooked completely.

The most heart-breaking thing is when people don't know it is a joke. I know that the political commentator's name is George Stephanopoulos, but it is much more funny to call him George Snuffleupagus. Seriously folks. Give me a little credit.

Acknowledge my humor! Please!

*this was an example of funny. If you got it, kudos! If you didn't wikipedia it.

disappointed

I didn't expect this. I knew things were 'off' but I never thought this would happen. I don't even know how to react.

As of today, a mentor of mine has left my place of business to pursue other opportunities. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

I call him a mentor, but nothing was ever formalized. I had occasional large group meetings and felt encouraged, challenged, and respected. In smaller settings he was very personable. He talked to me about professional and personal growth. He talked to me like a peer, even though he was a SVP and I was a coordinator.

I will miss his philosophical views on work and life. I will miss his encouragement of radical ideas. I will miss him. I am disappointed that I will not learn from him anymore. All that I can do is to continue to learn and think in the ways he showed me.

I'll tell you where you can stick that fork

I am done. It is 3:34pm and I have an hour of work left. But stick a fork in me - I am done! I usually limit myself to only doing as many things in one week that fit on my numbered list in my spiral bound notebook, but this week, I had to create a second column and - god forbid - not continue to number! I am still recovering.

But good news is I am an overachiever. Not only did I finish all the things on my list, I started my list for next week, AND did one thing already.

I love to cross things off.

Okay, I am done gloating. I am going to go BS around the office. My nose will be back to the grindstone Monday.