They told me not to do it

Good friends and family told me not to do it. They said it wasn't worth it. They said the content was a bit too close to home. They said it was not as good as the series, but I did it anyway. Yesterday night, I watched the Sex and the City movie. They were right.

2.5 hours is not needed to tell the story of four over-reacting 40+ women in the NYC. It is a story of relationships: failed relationships, trying relationships, the end of relationships, the hardships of relations ships, the survival of relationships. All things I should not be around. But for some reason I feel the need to put myself in situations that I know will be painful. Why? Is this a human condition or am I just a looking to be in pain?

But back to the movie. Worth it because you always want a conclusion to things. You want to know Snow White wakes up and Cinderella finds her prince. Through out the movie they say the fairy tale isn't true. Life does not guarantee happiness. Some people make it, some people don't. It is the luck of the stars, or the luck of the cards, or the luck of giving the right person a second chance.

But in the end, in true Hollywood fashion, creates the happy ending. And in true HBO fashion, the solution is sex. But that isn't what I disapprove of. What I don't like is that it perpetuates the fantasy of everyone ends happy. What is happiness? Is it different for everyone or is happiness is prescribed and if you don't meet that list of what makes happiness, you wont ever be happy.

To me, happiness is an ongoing process. I actually don't like to use the word. Lately I have been using the word "fulfilled". I started with satisfied, but I needed to raise the stakes. I need something more than a house over my head and food on my table. I am very gratefully that these needs are assumed to be met for me, but I need something more. I need to have a life that is more than satisfying. I need to meet a life that is fulfilled.

What I am learning (and it is a process) is that fulfillment needs to come from inside yourself. What I am upset about is this is Sex in the City tells women of all ages that unless you have your fairy tale ending (which for them ends in men in some way) you will never be fulfilled. I can't have this be true. I don't think it is.

Two Lessons and Three Years

It has been a long time since I posted last. Sorry about that. I am not sure what has happened since I wrote last, but I am sure a lot and not much of anything.

My birthday is coming up. The big 2-7. It isn't a big anything. It is a nothing birthday. The next birthday I have to look forward to is my 50th so I can qualify for AARP and hang out with the oatmeal guy.

But 27 has been a hard number to look at. And I am getting no sympathy. Those younger (all of 24) say it isn't a big deal - at least it isn't 30. Those older don't say anything and just shake their heads and sigh.

A few people had good thoughts. I don't know if I can incorporate them into how I feel about getting 3 years away from 30, but it is good food for thought.

Lesson 1:
Life is a marathon. Right now you are sprinting through mile 5 or 6. You can't keep up that pace if you are going to make it all 26.5 miles. Also, this is the only marathon you are ever going to run, slow down a bit so you can remember what it looked like, how it felt, and who you were with.

Lesson 2:
Look at life in chunks. What has happened to you between the ages of 17 and 27? A freaking lot. All of the people you have met, places you have gone, things you have accomplished. What about between 20 and 27? 25 and 27? In the past 6 months? You will only continue to experience new things. What do you think you will have done when you are 37? Life continues; you continue to experience things up until the actual moment you die. 27 is only one point in time - not an ending point. Even if the movie was good, this is not As Good As It Gets.

Now, these two lessons came from two very smart people. Or they may have been a combination of a few conversations with somewhat smart people and these are my take aways - I'm not really sure. But what the lessons tell me is: live in the moment. Doing so is the only way to appreciate what you have and are doing today. You only get one today - be sure you take advantage of it.

Hopefully for my next post I will have something witty and fun to write about. However, depending on how things go, there might be one more post about how I am almost 30.

Reminiscent of the scene in When Harry Met Sally: She is sobbing on her bed and cries out "And I'm going to be 40!" Harry replies, "When?" Sally sighs, "Someday." Harry calmly, and a bit sarcastically, replies, "Yeah, in 8 years."

1/4 life crisis; 1 cup hogwash?

Is a 1/4 life crisis a real thing? The mid-life-crisis has been around long enough for people to consider it a reality. But the emergence of the quarter-life-crisis needs to be acknowledged. But why is the 1/4 life crisis just starting now? Well, I have a few thoughts.

I am sure Stephen Hawkins could prove that life is moving at least twice as fast as it was 50 years ago. So it would make perfect sense that a life crisis of any sort will happen in half the time it once took. How often do you check your email? How often do you check your cell for a missed call? How far (in feet) can you be comfortably a way from your cell phone?

My answers:
At least 20 times a day
At least 100 times a day
No more than 10 feet.

What other generation has had this type of constant contact? What other generation has such pressure to produce, communicate, and show results in such a microcosm? Under such scrutiny? Or am I just a 20-something bitching?

ebb and flow

Ebb and flow is the foundation of the earth. The tides ebb and flow. Emotions ebb and flow. People ebb and flow. Is there anything that is so certain and so set that it does not ebb, then flow?

Give and take is the foundation of life. Sometimes you give before you take. Other times you take before you give. But the exchange of giving and taking occurs every minute of everyday. I can only hope I give as much as I take and ebb as much as I flow, before my life ebbs and flows for the last time.

I am a knee person

A good friend asked me the other day, "What type of person are you? Are you a gut person, a head person, or a heart person?" He was trying to ask what I follow when I have no idea what to do. At the time, I had no answer. But after noodling it for a few days, I have realized I am a knee person.

My heart is often unreliable. It isn't worn on my sleeve. It is an unchangeable secret decoder ring locked in a suitcase chained to my sleeve. Once you are in, there is very little chance of you getting out; very few people have the key that opens that suitcase. I often do not have the key. Therefore, important decision should not be based on a heart that can be so removed from the actual events happening. Having a heart under such security means I am terribly loyal - to a fault. But that is a fault I am okay with having.

My head is judgemental and rash. I don't think I use my head much at all when in flight/fight decision making events. If I don't have time to make a list of the pros and cons, my head is pretty much useless. And my heart seems to have line item veto over my head. Even if my head comes up with a rational response, my heart will 86 it.

My gut is often nauseous, there for a bit preoccupied to really chime in.

So that brings me to my knees. When I need to make a decision that is hard and I am torn between all sides of it, I follow my knees. When am I weak-kneed? When am I standing strong? When do they ache? When do they need to be propped up? When have I taken this metaphor too far? I follow my knees - it isn't easy to explain things to my heart and head (and my gut once it has brushed its teeth). But my knees are the ones who have to help me stand up and move forward. What better to help me through the rough patches of life?

My knees can tell me when it is going to rain, why shouldn't it help me with the tough decisions in my life.

things were much easier when King Louis VXI reigned

Back in the day, and I mean way way back in the day, things were easier. You didn't have to take a bath, you just put on more perfume. You didn't need a bathroom, you just had a bucket by your bed. You didn't need to worry about your hair - you just wore a wig. I am going to try to bring powdered wigs back.

A few months back, I discovered by first 2 gray hairs. The next day, I got my hair colored. It worked, no more grays. And my hair stylist says I can go up to 6 months before my next coloring because the color I went with is so natural. Also, it is a semi-permanent dye, which means it will lightly fade over time all over my head, instead of a permanent dye which gives you roots.

Today, at work, with not even a comb to part my hair on the other side, I found one, short, stubby gray hair coming right out of my part. At first I thought it was a trick of the lights. These bad poorly light office bathrooms. Then I thought I just had something stuck in my hair - maybe a stray bit of guacamole from the lunch taco bar today at work. But no, it was said gray hair.

But if I just had a powdered wig I could plop on, I wouldn't have to worry about any of this. In reality, I would probably buzz my hair a la GI Jane and just wig-it-up all the time.

So, who is with me? Lets truly go retro - powdered wigs and throwing our 'waste' out the window. Men wearing high-heels would be good too.