more touchy feely crap

So, second post in a row about touchy-feely crap. But I ran 3.1 miles (5K) and had some time to think. Hopefully I will move past this aspect of my blog. But stick with it...

Last week my shrink talked about self-actualization. When she explained it I said it sounded too much like self-help-touchy-feely books. Then she said she did her doctoral thesis on it and I felt like a total tool. In an attempt to get back in her good graces, I told her I would think about it over the week. And I have. (But why do I care if my shrink likes me? Don't I pay her to like me?)

Basic premise of self-actualization:
I have inside myself what I need to do what I want.

Self-help book, am I right? But the more I think about it (on my run today) the more it makes some sense.

I have inside myself the strength to push myself to my physical limits.
I have inside myself the patience to take life one step at a time.

Think about it. Try it.

You have inside yourself the strength to do what you want with your life.
You have inside yourself the determination to reach the goals of your life.

Think about it.

not about religion

I am not religious. I was born and raised catholic, but not currently practicing. But, I would say I am spiritual in a karmic kind of way. I believe good deeds are rewarded. I believe there are repercussions for our actions. Do I believe in a higher being pulling the strings, but still giving us choice? I don't know.

The bible and I go way back. I read it as a teen, but don't really remember why. I took a course in college about religious texts as literature. I think there are wonderful stories and the similarities between each religion's sacred text is fascinating. And sometimes, I find something in the Bible (and other texts), things that actually helps me in life.

I found this from St. Francis. I don't know if it is in the bible. I don't even remember where I found it. But here it is:

Where there is charity and wisdom there is no fear nor ignorance.
Where there is patience and humility there is neither anger nor vexation.
Where there is peace and meditation there is neither anxiety nor doubt.

Going through life, if we practice charity and wisdom, could our fear and ignorance go away? If we find patience and humility in ourselves will our uncontrollable anger and vexation for the petty things disappear? If we find peace and meditate, will our anxiety and doubt be relieved?

I don't know. But I do know, for whatever reason, this helps. Do I know it by heart? No. Do I still yell at cars when they blatantly disregard pedestrian right of way? Yes. But it is a good reminder. Something to bring me back to the important things in life; and the way I want to live my live.

Dating Karma

For reference, please see the posting from April 27 - second date.

I had my first date with someone from Match.com. He seemed pretty cool, a bit old (33) but well established and witty. Basically my only two requirements. (besides that they have to laugh at my jokes).

Breakfast on Saturday morning. Then we went to the Printer's Row Book Fair. I have always wanted to go and since this was where he had just bought his new condo, it worked out perfectly. Now the check for breakfast comes. I have been down this path before, but I have decided that on a first date, I am a split down the middle kind of girl. It must be the feminist in me. So I through in my $20 and we are done. But now this leaves me with $3 total...not going to take me far in the Book Fair.

First find is a used copy of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. It is in the $1 bin, but when the guy looks at it, he says he can only charge me .50 for it. Done and done. I just might make it through with my now $2.50.

But then we come across the perfect father's day present. I won't say what it is, Dad might be reading, but it was well out of my $2.50 budget. It isn't crazy expensive, but they don't take credit card. So my valiant first date gave me the extra money to get my father's day present. Karma from the second date paid back. World - we are even.

ebb and flow

Ebb and flow is the foundation of the earth. The tides ebb and flow. Emotions ebb and flow. People ebb and flow. Is there anything that is so certain and so set that it does not ebb, then flow?

Give and take is the foundation of life. Sometimes you give before you take. Other times you take before you give. But the exchange of giving and taking occurs every minute of everyday. I can only hope I give as much as I take and ebb as much as I flow, before my life ebbs and flows for the last time.

Who do I hate more?

Some people just rub me the wrong way. I know instantly, within the first 10 seconds, if I will:
1) Be friendly with the person and will forget about after my next drink
2) Be friendly with the person and recognize the face when I see him/her in Trader Joe's next weekend, but I can't place the person and I have no idea what their name is because I wasn't really paying attention when they were introduced to me.
3) Hate them.

I was at a party tonight. There were dirty hippies (who didn't smell, but looked dirty), but I am sort of a dirty hippie. There were artist snobs who talk like the love child of a valley girl and Tom Watts. They talk on vocal fry a lot and then go up at the end so everything sounds like a question.* But I am snobby about my art. Some people were just watching paint dry boring. And sometimes, this is me as well.

So what I learned tonight was that I hate myself. I had to go to a party to learn this?

Couldn't I have stayed home and watched Numbers and figured this out on my own? Okay, I don't hate myself. But when you take one aspect of me (hippie, snob, ect) and make an entire person out of it - it drives me a little crazy. I kind of hate them/me.

I need to turn this into a positive. I am working on my karma.

Variety is the spice of life. When you limit your experiences to only one spice, you become over powering and you turn people off. Like Mr. Clean lemon. Too much. The diverse spices in me are what makes me unique and keeps me from hating myself. Is it that I judge others too quickly? I am too hasty when I perform the mental equation of "Do I like this person"?

Yes. But, isn't this snap judgement one of the spices? Tarragon maybe? But is this tarragon overpowering the tortellini soup of my life? Perhaps...

*This sounds so funny in my head - maybe I should podcast instead of blog.

you get what you give

I don't want to get all karmic, but I do believe what you put out into the universe you then receive. You get what you give. What goes around comes around. Put your right foot in, take your right foot out.

Today I went to an association management seminar. jealous? (read a la Stewie from Family Guy). I put myself out there. I answered questions posed to the group. I challenged the speakers, I lead discussions at my table of peers. And out of it I connected with a marketing person from a trade association in DC who is going to share all of his membership marketing pieces and strategies with me. Almost a years worth of ideas for simply being present and active.

But does this networking hokey-pokey translate into real (non-work) life? I think so. Does it mean I will only lead a good life if I do good deeds for others? Not necessarily, but I don't think it hurts.

I often see people looking confused on the street with maps or staring up at the 'el with a blank look on their face. I offer to help them. I try to be sure they are headed in the right direction. I think acts like these are repaid when the cowboy who sees me fall flat on my on the sidewalk, picks me and my dinner up. It is repaid by the person who holds the door open for me so I can catch the morning train.

My Dad used to coach me in tennis. He would say, "Visualize hitting the ball. Imagine yourself hitting the ball. A director will often talk about your "mind's eye". These both are referencing the power of positive images. How does this position thinking relate to positive acts in the universe? I need to noodle on this more, but something is going on here.

Don't worry, I am still a cynic, just a philosophical cynic.